Tuesday, September 3, 2013

How are you?

I'm pretty sure that if I had a dollar for each person that had asked me recently "How are you?" 
I would have enough money to take a trip. {a nice, long trip}

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that people are so very kind and thoughtful and ask how I am.
It truly makes my heart happy.  I am amazingly blessed with some amazing friends and family. 

But....it also makes me very sad when someone asks that question because I honestly don't know how to answer it. 

Do they want me to lie and just say "Fine" and then move on or do they want me to break down and tell them how I really am? 

I will admit that most of the time I say I am fine. 

But truthfully, I am about as far from fine as you can possibly get. I haven't seen fine in a LONG time. 

So how am I? 

I am....

  • terrified
  • anxious
  • worried
  • scared
  • overwhelmed
  • sad
  • nervous


I spend much of my time lately telling my self internally to calm down and not panic because everything in me just wants to sit down and cry.  

Buckets and buckets of tears.

Much of the time I think .....

  • How can I do this? 
  • CAN I do this? 
  • I don't want to do this. 
  • I really, really, really don't want to do this. 


Sweet friends keep telling me I'm going to be fine and that I am so brave and strong and that they know God is going to use this for His good. And I absolutely do believe that He will use this trial for His good.  But when people say that- man it is some pressure. 

Because when they say that, I think........

  • What if I'm not brave and strong? 
  • What if I am the worst patient ever? 
  • What if I am super far from inspirational? 
  • What if I am mean and cranky and a big old mess and ruin the good God is trying to do through this? 
I feel like it's my job to reassure everyone that I am okay but on top of working and trying to get my entire work and home life in order before surgery plus trying not to completely break down- I just can't.

I want to be brave and resilient and strong- but y'all I feel about as brave and resilient and strong as a new baby kitten. 

So, I'm doing the only thing I know how to do when I'm terrified- praying and clinging to God's word. 

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. 
Exodus 14:14





12 comments:

  1. Oh sweet Shannon.
    It's ok to be afraid. It's ok to cry.
    God is with you. We are praying for you.

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  2. So glad you were truthful. We all know it's a tough road you're on right now. Prayers continue from here for you and your surgery. Just know that God has your back.

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  3. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
    Exodus 14:14

    I love that. I know I don't know you personally, but I am thinking of you, and praying. I can't imagine what you must be going through. <3

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  4. Your job is to be the honest, open, caring woman that you are. We all know that you give so much to all of us, let us give a little of our love and support back to you.

    Much love,
    B

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  5. Sometimes you have to let others be strong for you and feelings are never wrong!

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  6. My pastor told me an answer to give when I had the same question. "Because of God's grace, I am much better than I deserve." Just typing it gives me smile. I pray it gives you one too. :-)

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  7. Prayers for strength and courage Shannon for you in the days ahead. You've got an amazing faith. Faith , family, and friends....such great blessings. May you feel the Lord's presence near. Hugs,

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  8. Dear Shannon,
    I've been a follower of your blog since the summer of 2012. If you were to visit my classroom, you'd see almost every sweet quote that you have designed on my walls!! Thank you. I love all your thoughtful post writings, all your music video sharings and your fabulous technology tips! You are amazing and I just wanted to tell you that I pray for you often. like real often. like several times a day...*when I'm in my room and glance at my framed quotes,
    *when I'm in a bad mood (and think, Kelly, you have no idea--what about how shannon feels!)
    *when I'm worried about something or feeling sorry for myself...
    none can compare. I pray for you really often. everyday.
    My prayers are for the Lord to give you comfort and peace in the midst of this.
    Your writing tonight was so, so true! It was authentically and heartbreakingly true. I can almost feel how that would be. I believe that I would feel the same way. Your heart is so faithful and so giving that I would think that you would want to make sure everyone else's needs and feelings are taken care of before your own.
    Just like Jesus did. Just like you do.
    You already ARE a reflection of God's glory.
    Don't worry about losing that or displaying otherwise.
    You can rest on Him. God hears your prayers. You are loved.
    Have no fear- the Lord has this all taken care of, Shannon. He loves you.
    In His precious Name I pray. God Bless You. Kelly

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  9. Wow, my heart & mind so feel exactly the thins Mrs. Turk wrote!!! I did email you too, but I wanted to add THANK YOU so much for being REAL with us...sharing with us HONESTLY what you are going through, I feel priveledged to take part in this journey with you although it is only through your blog & through prayer. You are loved
    Thanks,
    Nancy
    The Apple Basket Teacher

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  10. I just found your blog yesterday while looking for some cute decorations for my office (I work in a school too). :) Then I found your blog and have been reading and reading. Please know that I am sending up many prayers for peace, comfort, support, strength...whatever it is you might need! God will carry you! ((HUGS))
    Stephanie

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  11. Dear Shannon, I stumbled upon your beautiful blog today, searching for nice printables to frame up for my home. I am so sorry to hear that you have to go through this painful period. I know that you are a beautiful person inside and out by the lovely prints that you so selflessly share on your blog and I pray that God will see you through this one step at a time!! I pray that all these beautiful verses and quotes/sayings that you have made will also bring you comfort. My prayers and thoughts are with you! Lean on God and may you find the strength you need from Him!!
    Hugs, Serene (from Singapore)

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